Welcome back to Relationships At Work – A leadership podcast helping you build workplace connection, improve culture, and avoid blind spots. I’m your host Russel Lolacher
I’m a communications and leadership nerd with a couple of decades of experience and a heap of curiosity on how we can make the workplace better.
This mini-episode is a quick and valuable bit of information to help your mindset for the week ahead.
Inspired by our R@W Note Newsletter, I’m passing on to you…
The Cure to Saying Yes
There’s a part in the book Creativity, Inc. that always sticks with me—Ed Catmull shares the “popsicle stick story.” His team had put in a lot of work on each of the characters in an upcoming movie. To illustrate the work, Ed had a board display in his office of each one followed by a swim lane filled with sequential popsicle sticks representing hours. This is what it took to create this film in physical form.
Any time an executive would come in to his office with an idea, maybe of a new direction or another character to add, Ed would say it sounded great, "yes absolutely"... and then ask the executive where they would like him to pull popsicle sticks/hours from to accommodate this new request. He can't make more work hours, so they had to do less of other things to make sure they could address the new asks
In every instance, the executive would look at the board and the story it told, and say that it was fine. And leave.
Too often in leadership, we don't show our popsicle sticks. Instead, we just say yes.
We convince ourselves that being collaborative means being endlessly available. That being a team player means taking on everything put in front of us. That supporting others means absorbing whatever comes our way—no matter the impact on our workload, our team, or our mental health.
We don’t want to be the leader others whisper about: “He’s difficult.” “She’s not a team player.” “They’re not willing to help.” So we say yes. Again and again and again.
Yes to the extra responsibility that has no capacity attached. Yes to the “quick favour” that is neither quick nor a favour. Yes to the organizational fire drill that becomes our fire to manage. And we tell ourselves it’s leadership.
But here’s the truth we often skip: Leadership isn’t saying yes to everything. Leadership is choosing when to say yes—and being equally skilled, courageous, and respected for the times we say no.
Because leadership includes doing two things at once:
- Championing our team’s potential, through collaboration, openness, exploration, and contribution.
- Defending your team’s capacity, by protecting their workload, shielding them from noise, and ensuring they can actually deliver excellence.
Both matter. Both are leadership. And neither can exist if we’re constantly overcommitting out of fear of disappointing others or being seen as someone who doesn’t want to work with the team.
A boundary doesn’t shut people out, make you difficult, or reject collaboration. It actually keeps the work healthy, makes the work sustainable, and protects the conditions that make collaboration possible.
And boundaries aren’t always a “no full stop.” Sometimes they’re something more:
- “Yes… and here’s what that means for our priorities.”
- “Yes… and we’ll need support to make space.”
- “Yes… as long as we adjust timelines.”
- “Not right now, but here’s when we can.”
- “This isn’t a great fit — but here’s another option.”
Boundaries communicate partnership, not avoidance. They also model something vital to the culture around you: that real collaboration requires honesty, that innovation requires capacity, and that your team’s wellbeing matters just as much as the organization’s ambitions.
Saying yes to everything is easy but damaging. Saying no—thoughtfully, transparently, and with intention—is the work of leadership.
Reflection Question - How do we maintain our openness to work and support others while defending our team’s workload?
- Make Priorities Transparent - Your “Yeses” and “Nos” should be contextual, not personal. Share your team’s current focus, bandwidth, and commitments with your partners and colleagues. When others understand the load, your boundaries feel aligned—not obstructive. A transparent roadmap turns a “no” from a rejection into a shared decision.
- Use “Yes, And…” as Your Default Collaboration Tool - It's like you're in an improv class. Instead of saying no outright, expand the conversation:
- “Yes, and we’ll need to adjust deadlines.”
- “Yes, and we’ll need help reallocating responsibilities.”
- “Yes, and can we explore whether this is the highest priority right now?”
This keeps you open, curious, and collaborative—without sacrificing your team.
- Ask Clarifying Questions Before You Commit - A premature yes is where overcommitment begins. So ask:
- What does success look like?
- What’s the timeline?
- What are the consequences if we don’t take this on?
- How does this align with our current priorities?
Curiosity is so vital here. Questions turn assumptions into clarity—and clarity helps you make decisions that respect both relationships and workload.
As leaders, we won't always be able to avoid saying yes. Or even say yes to things that don't align. But by being transparent, saying "yes, and..." and being curious, it provides context that can lead to a constructive conversation in doing the work the right way. Your team will appreciate it.
