Welcome back to Relationships At Work – A leadership podcast helping you build workplace connection, improve culture, and avoid blind spots. I’m your host Russel Lolacher
I’m a communications and leadership nerd with a couple of decades of experience and a heap of curiosity on how we can make the workplace better.
This mini-episode is a quick and valuable bit of information to help your mindset for the week ahead.
Inspired by our R@W Note Newsletter, I’m passing on to you…
Reframing Obligation into Opportunity
A few weeks ago, while listening to a podcast (yes, I listen to them too), I heard a guest say something that stopped me mid-step:
"You don't have to do this. You don't have to do that. You GET to do these things."
It wasn’t said like a motivational slogan. It was real advice that he'd gotten from a mentor to reframe how he approached his work. And it shifted everything for him. And I can tell you, from a leadership perspective, it could absolutely shift everything for us because it challenges how we show up every day. I know I've been thinking about it a lot lately.
So I wrote it down on a Post-it note: “I don't have to. I get to."
It’s now my daily reminder — sitting on my desk, said in my head after a. meeting that might not have gone as smoothly as I would have liked. There's a weight to "have to". When we lead from that place, we unintentionally step into a victim mindset, no matter what we're doing...
- “I have to run this meeting.”
- “I have to handle this difficult employee conversation.”
- “I have to present to leadership... again.”
Each “have to” quietly reinforces that our day is filled with obligations rather than opportunities — that our work is happening to us, not through us. And that weight adds up, like a debt. It chips away at our energy and our outlook. It clouds perspective. It makes the small tasks feel heavier than they are after a while.
And that mindset doesn’t just impact us — it ripples outward. Our teams feel it. Our tone changes. Our patience thins. Our ability to listen narrows. And here’s the thing: leadership isn’t about avoiding stress or pretending we love every part of our job. It’s about how we show up for what’s in front of us. And this shift, from have to → get to, can be one of the simplest and most powerful ways to do that.
When you say “I get to,” you’re not erasing the challenges. It's not a cure-all. What it does is ground you in reality. You have agency. You have choice. You’re part of something that others rely on and that you have the privilege to influence.
- “I get to run this meeting” becomes a reminder that people trust you to guide them.
- “I get to handle this tough conversation” reframes it as an opportunity to practice empathy and accountability.
- “I get to present to executive” turns pressure into a platform to make impact.
The mental health benefit of this reframe is subtle but significant. It creates a sense of control and opportunity to our approach. It reduces feelings of helplessness or resentment. It nudges us toward gratitude, which activates a more open and creative mindset. And when we model that perspective, we give others permission to reframe too — helping them move from obligation to ownership, from resistance to engagement.
Now, let’s be clear — this isn’t about toxic positivity. We're not trying to gaslight ourselves here. It's about shifting our thinking to change how we approach what’s next, for. ourselves and those we're responsible for.
Question for You: How can we shift our mindset from “have to” to “get to”?
Here are three ways to start:
- Write It Down — Daily.Place a sticky note or phone reminder where you’ll see it first thing in the morning. Visual cues create micro-moments of intention that retrain your brain before habit takes over.
- Pause Before You Begin.Before a task or meeting, take one breath and reframe it aloud:
- Reflect at the End of the Day.Ask yourself: Where did I use ‘get to’ today? Where did I default to ‘have to’? That awareness is where growth happens.
Reframing isn’t about ignoring reality — it’s about meeting it with intention, even when it's hard. Sometimes “I get to” simply means: I get to practice patience. I get to learn from this frustration. I get to remind myself I have boundaries. That’s leadership leading.
We don’t have to lead. We get to lead. And that small shift changes everything.
