What Your Personal Space Is Saying at Work

We talk a lot about what leaders say — but rarely about where they say it.

In this short episode of Relationships at Work, Russel Lolacher explores proxemics — the hidden language of personal space — and how distance, positioning, and physical presence quietly shape trust, power, and connection at work.

From offices designed to elevate authority, to feedback conversations that unintentionally trigger defensiveness, this episode unpacks how space communicates long before words do. You’ll learn the four zones of proxemics, why they matter for leaders, and how even virtual settings carry unspoken spatial cues.

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Transcript

Welcome back to Relationships At Work – A leadership podcast helping you build workplace connection, improve culture, and avoid blind spots. I’m your host Russel Lolacher

I’m a communications and leadership nerd with a couple of decades of experience and a heap of curiosity on how we can make the workplace better.

This mini-episode is a quick and valuable bit of information to help your mindset for the week ahead.

Inspired by our R@W Note Newsletter, I’m passing on to you…

Power of Proxemics

Back when I was digging into my communications education, a form of communication came up that I'd never heard of but haven't stopped thinking about. And this is decades later.

Proxemics - The study of how individuals use and perceive personal space in social interactions

We’ve all felt it—that moment when someone steps just a bit too close during a conversation, or when a meeting room feels more like a sardine can than a collaborative space. Think about where a manager's office sits compared to the team they supervise. I remember one office I worked in where the senior manager had a desk that was a foot higher than the other team members and had to literally talk down to anyone when they approached them. What do you think that communicated?

It’s not just discomfort; it’s science. Proxemics plays a significant role in how we connect, communicate, and build trust in the workplace.

Proxemics isn’t just about physical distance. It’s about understanding the unspoken boundaries that influence how comfortable we feel in different interactions. Think of it as the difference between a whisper and a shout—both communicate, but the impact is vastly different depending on proximity.

Proxemics is typically broken into four zone of connection (but, keep in mind, it's different based on the individual):

1. Intimate Space (0–18 inches) -Reserved for close friends, family, and those with deep personal connections. If a colleague or manager enters this space uninvited, it can trigger discomfort or anxiety, regardless of intent.
2. Personal Space (18 inches – 4 feet) - This is where casual conversations with colleagues generally happen. It’s close enough to feel engaged but far enough to maintain a sense of comfort. This typically is the sweet spot for one-on-one meetings or check-ins that require trust and connection.
3. Social Space (4 – 12 feet) - Perfect for group discussions, team meetings, and less personal interactions. There’s enough space for collaboration without feeling cramped. Leaders often stand at this distance when addressing teams to look like the authority while still making it comfortable for conversation.
4. Public Space (12 feet and beyond) - Ideal for presentations, town halls, and speeches. The distance creates a psychological buffer that allows leaders to address larger groups without overwhelming anyone’s personal boundaries.

Leaders who understand proxemics are not just aware of where they stand physically—they’re aware of where they stand relationally. Crowding someone during a feedback session can trigger defensiveness, while standing too far during a moment that requires empathy can come off as cold or unapproachable.

When we master the art of proxemics, we can enhance our ability to connect meaningfully with our teams. This is especially crucial in hybrid or flexible work environments where physical space is constantly being negotiated. Even in virtual or remote settings, the concept of "space" matters—think of video call screen positioning, camera angles, and how closely one leans into the screen during conversations.

The Question: How can we be more intentional with proxemics to improve trust and connection in our day-to-day interactions?

The Action(s):

• Observe and Adapt - Pay attention to how colleagues react when you enter their personal space. Are they stepping back? Leaning in? Understanding these cues can help you adjust your proximity to enhance comfort and trust.
• Position with Purpose - Experiment with space in different contexts. When giving feedback, consider standing or sitting at an appropriate distance that communicates respect but also support. For a brainstorming session, use a round table or a standing desk. For difficult conversations, try a more side-by-side approach. Proxemics can change the tone and openness of the discussion.
• Mind the Meeting Room:In team settings, seating arrangements matter. Placing yourself in a way that’s neither too dominant nor too distant invites open dialogue and reduces hierarchical barriers.
• Virtual Space Awareness - On video calls, consider your distance from the camera and the layout of your background. A cluttered or distant setup can feel disengaged, while being too close can feel invasive. Finding that balance can keep virtual connections strong.

Understanding proxemics isn’t about rigid rules—it’s about awareness, both self-awareness and situational awareness (what I believe are two of the cornerstones of great leadership). In every conversation, every meeting, and every casual chat, space is a communication tool.

Leaders who know how to use it effectively are more likely to build stronger, more trusting relationships.