Belonging Isn’t HR’s Job—It’s Everyone’s Responsibility

This is part 4 of a 4-part conversation on the work leaders need to do to incorporate belonging in the workplace with author and research Dr. Beth Kaplan. Each episode explores a different theme—clarity, self-awareness, team dynamics, and workplace culture. 

Workplace culture often undermines belonging, even with the best of intentions. In this episode, we explore the difference between performative and real belonging, the disconnect between values and actions, and why DEI and belonging should be treated as distinct (but related) priorities. This is a wake-up call for leaders at every level.

🎙️ Featuring the expertise of Dr. Beth Kaplan, belonging and leadership expert.

Discussion includes:

• Why “we’re a family” sends the wrong message
• The problem with outsourcing belonging to HR
• Why DEI ≠ belonging (and what to do about it)
• How to embed belonging in the culture, not just the comms

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Transcript

Russel Lolacher: Yeah. Is it, so we're, we're as a leader, as an emerging leader, as an established leader. We can only control what we can control. We can control the ecosystem of belonging for our teams. Do we have any responsibility to this, to the point we're talking about now, of creating a sense of belonging for those leaders above us for the larger organization, for executive, or should we only be focusing on the team we're responsible and accountable to?

Dr. Beth Kaplan: So, I could argue that we can't control any of that truthfully, because belonging is something you determine for yourself. What I can say is that you want to create a culture of inclusion because you want people to be rowing in that boat with you. And there are many ways to do that. And yes, I do believe it's up and down motion, so it could be for the people below you, and it's making sure that they have the right opportunities, the right candor and feedback, right? The right spectrum of care. And that goes both ways. And you may be thinking, how am I gonna influence how the leaders above me feel a sense of belonging? It's all about either being candid in the right areas, so curious, but self-aware. That's, that's key. You don't wanna be like, oh, hey Russel, great Town Hall, but I, here's some notes for you that you could have done better.

That's not gonna ever work, ever, I promise. But at the same time. Russel, I loved the way you interacted with the rest of the leadership team. It was so fun to see the way you work together, and I feel like there's so much more synchronicity than it was before, and that's impacted the way I approach, the way I lead my teams.

No one ever died of too many compliments. That's a perfect example of how that leader will internalize the fact that they've worked differently and they're showing up differently. So, it needs to be genuine. That's the thing I would say here. And at the same time, just like I said, it's important to start giving that bi-directional learning and leadership back and forth.

If you're a leader, you don't even have to be, you can be an individual employee contributor. Right. But I would say it's bi-directional for sure. You can't control it, but you can provide more inclusion.

Russel Lolacher: Where's HR in all this?

Dr. Beth Kaplan: Ooh, good one.

Russel Lolacher: If, because we tend to outsource belonging and communication and anything to this small group of individuals over here in this other group called HR. So what's our belonging strategy, HR?

Dr. Beth Kaplan: You all belong here. That's the strategy, right? I mean, it's not even creative at this point. It's just you belong here. Which is bad because that makes it performative. And then people start to say, oh wait, but I don't feel like that. Is there something wrong with me? And I feel bad for HR in that sense because a lot of times they are responsible for the program of the organization.

But if you're in HR, your best way to make it real is by doing it through the leadership. People look to their leaders for in times of change, and they look to HR when it comes to more of the liabilities or the rule following. Most of people in HR got into it for the heart work, as we've said before, but it's become such hard work.

I, I feel for HR, I feel like there's so much compassion fatigue that happens for them. So I think that they are important contributors. They're the ones that really safeguard the mission and the safety of our cultures. At the same time, it's best when they leave it to the leaders to really bring home that feeling of inclusion and to get the, the gut check of belonging on their teams.

And why that's especially important is because most of the time we don't give that gut check to our leaders until we're leaving. If someone is coming to you and saying, i'm not sure I feel like I belong here. I can guarantee that that's most likely the intro to your exit interview with them instead of what it should be, which is your stay interviews.

You know, why do you wanna be here? What do you like? What could we do better? So if you're in HR, you can do those stay interviews. If you're a leader, you can do them, but do not wait for the language to come to you. Most people do not have the language around their emotions at work, and especially not their sense of belonging.

Russel Lolacher: I love that you brought up the stay interviews. The thing, the thing is that is if you want to, you want belonging in the DNA of your organization, we can't treat onboarding as a one-off and then maybe do an exit interview and nothing in between. So I mean, I've even put together a holistic interview process. And I like calling them Thrive Interviews, not stay interviews. 'cause we don't want people just to stay. We need them to actually grow and, and, and, but we never, so we do stay interviews are more performance reviews. They're not. Do you feel a sense of belonging? How am I communicating it?

Like it's not a humanity thing, it's a did you create the widget when I wanted the widget. Right? But when we do stay interviews or thrive interviews, they're not connected to onboarding and exit interviews are not connected to those journey interviews. And it's a holistic conversation. But to your point, we don't do that because then we have the canary, we don't have the canary in a coal mine.

By the time people, somebody leaves, we're like, oh, well now we need to do something. Why don't you do them while they're still here and they may stay?

Dr. Beth Kaplan: Right, and here's the thing. Most of our exit interviews and our stay interviews focus around the company, okay? So spoiler alert, workers these days are not necessarily only charging to your mission. They have their own missions. So what you need to do in your stay interviews, your, any of your interviews, you need to understand how to meet your employees, where they are at.

That should be the purpose of those interviews right then and there.

Russel Lolacher: What is the benefit to belonging when it comes to organizational change? Because change is, I love, we talk about change management and I'm like, but if change is always happening, how are you managing it? Because it's not like it's, it ends. It is, we are in such a world of constant change. I feel like belonging has a place here.

Dr. Beth Kaplan: So, people look to their leaders in times of change, and I think most of the focus has been around what happens when people feel a strong sense of belonging. Unfortunately, employees who feel excluded are 50 more times likely to leave than those that feel a strong sense of belonging. That's an important thing to note there.

So true people with true belonging, while we don't wanna like ignore the people that look like they're doing fine in the workplace. They typically are the ones that are gonna tell you when you're gonna feel it. They're the ones that are not gonna be sacrificing who they are to do it as well. What we wanna do is really start looking at the people that are a little too quiet, the people that are yessing you to death in meetings.

That's another one, you know. I recently had someone say to me, Hey Beth, I ran this meeting. I was talking to belong, and I was so excited and everyone was like, oh my God, yes. I'm like, great. What happened afterwards? They're like, nothing. They all agreed. I was like, oh. Did they give a lot of yeses and head nods?

Yeah. I'm like, that's where you wanna stop right there, because you do need to really think about what needs to change. Okay. And course correction is welcome to most people. No one wants to stay stagnant. No one wants to be in that place. Yeah.

Russel Lolacher: So to wrap up our conversation, if anybody's any emerging leader, any or established leader is listening to this and they're like, okay, great. I need to focus more on belonging. Or even if I do focus on it, I need to double down a bit. Is there sort of a thing you would recommend somebody starting tomorrow?

If they were just gonna dip their toe into getting a better sense of belonging and taking the right steps forward, what is that first step?

Dr. Beth Kaplan: Well, I wanna tell you and plug my book that it's to read Braving the Workplace.

Russel Lolacher: Obviously, obviously, obviously.

Dr. Beth Kaplan: Although I will tell you it is a good handy guide to understanding your own values and the things you don't wanna give up. So that's, that's really the advice I would give, is to understand yourself and go with your gut.

People know whether they belong in a place within the first seven seconds, and by the way, some people say it's three seconds. So go with your gut. There's always that time where you join an organization and you're excited to be there. And then this first second, that something's not aligning, you need to see whether or not that is something that's going to impact your belonging journey.

Is it something I can live with or is it something that compromises who I am? So focus not just on the physical safety of the work environment, but the mental safety and protecting your peace. That's the recommendation I would give early on.

Russel Lolacher: I think that's a fantastic place to leave it. Thank you so much for your time today, Beth.

Dr. Beth Kaplan: Thank you so much for having me.

Russel Lolacher: That is Dr. Beth Kaplan. She's a keynote speaker, researcher, executive coach, and author, and pick up her book. It's a good one, especially if you wanna get into this belonging thing that everybody's craving for. Braving the Workplace -Belonging at the Breaking Point.

Have a great day, Beth. Thank you so much for spending your time with us.

Dr. Beth Kaplan: Thank you.

Russel Lolacher: That's it.

Dr. Beth Kaplan: Oh, you're the best. Thank you.