The Lost Art of Handwritten Leadership w/ Amy Weinland Daughters

In this episode of Relationships at Work, we’re diving into the almost-forgotten power of handwritten communication with Amy Weinland Daughters, award-winning author of Dear Dana and passionate advocate for intentional connection.

Amy shares how a simple handwritten note can redefine relationships in the workplace, cutting through the noise of digital communication to create moments that are tangible, memorable, and deeply personal. We explore how these small gestures of appreciation can override mistakes, build trust, and even boost retention, all with just a pen and a few minutes of time.

Discover why handwritten notes are more than just ink on paper—they are symbols of care, recognition, and leadership that last far beyond the moment they're received.

🔹 In This Episode:

• Why handwritten notes have more impact than emails or Slack messages
• How vulnerability in handwriting deepens trust and connection
• Overcoming fear of imperfection when writing notes
• Practical tips to make handwritten notes part of your leadership style

If you want to stand out as a leader who truly cares, you might just find your next powerful tool…in a pen.

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Transcript

Russel Lolacher: And on the show today, we have Amy Weinland Daughters, and here is why she is awesome. She's an award-winning author, keynote speaker, and humorist. She's focused on helping people reconnect to each other through the power of handwritten letters. This is all supported by her fantastic 2022 book. Dear Dana, That Time I Went Crazy and Wrote All 580 of My Facebook Friends a Handwritten Letter. She's been featured on the Kelly Clarkson Show, Insider, ABC, and she's here today. Hello, Amy.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Hello Russel. Thank you for having me.

Russel Lolacher: Ah, communication nerd. I always love having communication nerds on my show. Just makes me feel warm on the inside, being a communication nerd myself. Before we dig into the value of this type of communication, I have to ask you the same question I ask all of my guests to kick us off. Amy, what is your best or worst employee experience?

Amy Weiland Daughters: Well, even as a positive person, I'm gonna go with my worst just 'cause this kind of was a defining moment for me. I was in purchasing before I began to write, and I got myself up to, I was the purchasing manager for a wine company. It was a great job and I had my direct supervisor, I wanted to make a move into marketing to where I was gonna work with wineries and set up programs.

It was a great, it would've been a great lateral shift for me. And she basically went in and blocked it 'cause she wanted me to stay where I was. And, and it was so disappointing 'cause I, we had a great personal and professional relationship. But it, it made me realize though that as managers we're... one of the things I think we're called upon do, which is difficult, is to develop people to where they can fly out on their own.

And that's highly difficult 'cause it messes up what we're trying to do overall. It's almost like children, it messes up when they leave after they've learned to do the dishwasher or the trash. It messes us up. But she made me realize, like over and over again, and I tell people the story all the time because it kind of defined what I want to do with people.

Not just that I, who work for me, but who I work with.

Russel Lolacher: The selfishness of that as well. I mean there's, I wouldn't even call that a leader that is someone who just doesn't wanna hire and retrain and doesn't want to rock the boat of the status quo 'cause it's easier for them. Meanwhile, your career is being stymied because of selfishness. How did that impact your relationship going forward?

Amy Weiland Daughters: I mean, it, it didn't destroy the relationship, but it definitely... 'cause I'm not into, I'm into not burning bridges, that's kind of one of my mantras, but, and not, 'cause I'm a great person, she didn't burn it either, so credit to both parties, I guess. But we had a, I mean, it was never the same.

And I didn't wanna work for her anymore because then I see, you see the writing on the wall, so you talk about things like retention and it ruined that. So, short term, she got what she wanted. Long term, I moved on to another... not just another organization altogether. And we're still, we're, we're still friends to this day, but I mean, it was, it was a bad move, so...

Russel Lolacher: It still has an impact. I mean, I don't know how deeply she thought it through or just about the impact it would be. I mean, you can be cordial and you can be professional an still moving on, but to not think it's not gonna have some impact on...

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right.

Russel Lolacher: Your interest in the role or your passion or ambition to learn and move on.

It doesn't stymie that. It just reinforces it. That's so weird. I never understand when managers do that, I won't call them leaders. I won't do it.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Yeah. It's personal. I think it was personal. I mean, she, like you said, she had the situation she wanted, but I don't know that she wanted me to move on. It also made me think that moving up there wasn't gonna be that upward mobility in that position because she wasn't gonna, that she wasn't gonna be for me going and doing something better, which is what I wanted.

Russel Lolacher: Of course. Of course.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Which we all want. Yeah.

Russel Lolacher: So let's dig into this communication. Oh, I'm giddy. So the first question I have to ask is why let's start the, let's set the table first, Amy. Before we get into the specifics of handwritten communication and its importance and its value. Why do you feel, let's baseline it. Do you feel communication is so important in the workplace?

Amy Weiland Daughters: I mean, it's based on my personal experience. I went on this letter writing journey that I never intended to go on, and I, it, it happened through the time period of about 2016, 17, 18, and I realized just by complete accident that we have this power for about 15 minutes of our time, and the only cost that could be involved is our time.

And if you were gonna mail the, the note, it's gonna be 73 cents in the United States. And it's just this little thing we can put in our toolbox as anyone who's involved in the arena of human relationships. So of course that stretches to the workplace. We have this incredible tool in our tool belt that can have such impact professionally, personally, such an act of goodwill that is off the chain, that I didn't realize till I went on this journey and I, I wrote 600 handwritten letters and just had no idea that it was gonna blow up my entire life. And really my life pivoted on that experience.

Russel Lolacher: But communication as a sort of, just because, I mean, we talk about managers and I talk about leaders, managers are people that focus on resources and delivery, leaders are about the people and the growth. To sort of clue into your story here. I find communication to be such that differential...

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right.

Russel Lolacher: Between those two because a manager will just be about, did you get the thing done? No. How do we need to get the thing done? Meanwhile, a leader is going, what do you need? How can I communicate? Where's the transparency? The accountability, the connection? So from a communication standpoint. How has that been something that you're like, you know what? I want to delve into that. This is, 'cause you did, you have your story of doing 580 handwritten letters, but to translate that into the workplace and its value, I mean, this is just a smaller part of a larger conversation.

I often say every job's a communication job. I don't care where you are in the organization. There's communication has something to do with the role. What's this love of communication that you're focusing so much of your time and effort in of the importance of it?

Amy Weiland Daughters: Well, I mean, it absolutely makes the other, the employee feel valued on a level that you, again, you can't gauge it's next level communication. Handwritten notes. I mean, I'm talking about a sticky note, Russel, you can do it in two sentences, but it will have the absolute, it's next level. I spoke with somebody who I spoke with, or I guess I spoke at their event and she said that she went around about six months after, making a commitment to, to write two employees a week, a little handwritten note. I appreciate you, I'm sorry to hear about this. You knocked it out of the park. You... just simple messages. And she said, she went around the area where the people, the cubicles lived of her area and she said, just everywhere these notes were hanging up in the cubicles. It wasn't like I gave you something and you just it went an email. You printed it and put it away. These people displayed it like a badge of honor. It is next level. And you can't really, vocabulary doesn't do a good job with relaying the power of this.

People will save these notes. They will save your, they will save your written communication. But you know, basically, almost forever where they won't do that with anything else you could do. It's almost so simple. It's so counterintuitive because it's so powerful that's wrapped up in this simplicity.

Like it can't be that easy. It's absolutely that easy.

Russel Lolacher: So what do they get out of it? And I mean this from not only the person that's writing the handwritten note, but the other, because communications is two way, it's not only what you say, but how it's received.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right.

Russel Lolacher: So as the person writing it versus the person that's displaying it. What do you think the greater value is of writing handwritten notes for each of those audiences?

Amy Weiland Daughters: I think on each side of the equation, I think both sides came out a winner. Now, I would argue just based on my story, that the person who writes the note is going to get even more outta it. But that's not really the point of what we're talking about. Because what you're gonna do, Russel, is when you write something to another, to an employee and recognize something they've done or connect with them on a more human level and say, Hey, I'm, I heard about your mom. I'm sorry. I heard about your kid winning the whatever I, congratulations, or whatever you're gonna say in the note. You are going to, you're you expressing that gratefulness is going to put your mind, you're gonna, you're gonna be a better leader. You're gonna put yourself in the perspective of, oh my gosh, you're gonna look at things and people around you differently just by recognizing people. Then you're gonna see the power of good. You're gonna see the off the chain power this has, and you're gonna realize, oh my God, I can make a difference with these people. This is the way I can connect 'em. So yeah, you're gonna feel better about your job, but even at the end of the day when we're doing all this for nine or 10 hours a day. We're human beings.

Russel Lolacher: Right,

Amy Weiland Daughters: So the, and this sounds like I'm a unicorn prancing on your podcast with rainbows coming out my butt, but you know what?

If you feel good about what you're doing as a human being, you're gonna be better for everybody, including yourself. So that's one side of the equation. You write the letters, but the other side is you are gonna make people feel valued in a way that you can't really gauge because it's one thing for you to leave me a voicemail, for you to send me an email, or you to stop me in the hall randomly 'cause you saw me. Or, buy the coffee maker by the elevator, whatever. On the Zoom call and being called out in front everybody, that's great too, but you are gonna realize when your employee or customer gets this handwritten note, there's gonna be this process that happens in their head.

It's be click click, Hey, my boss, know the person who I really look up to or don't but work for, whatever that relationship is. And we talk so much about that supervisor employee relationship and the importance of that one-on-one, that one part of the organizational chart that's so important.

This is a person, who's takes up a lot of your head space. This person sat down, they had to find the card, they had to get the ball point Gel Pen. They had to take the time to write this stuff down and think it up and then sign it personally, and then they had to deliver it to me in interoffice mail. They had to mail to me cause we're working from home, they had to take it over to me.

If you drop it off personally, that's even better. And they're gonna realize, oh my God, that's how much what I'm doing in this organization matters to that person. And they're gonna feel valued beyond most any other thing you can do. And I think it includes, I think it transcends now, if you're gonna give 'em a bonus, let's like, let's throw the letters out.

But, put the bonus in there, but beyond other levels of appreciation, it's so personal. It's so one-on-one. It's so effort driven. I mean, they realize you took that effort for them and they're gonna feel valued and you know you're gonna uptick things like retention. It's a very silent, they talk about the silent killer, it's like the silent goodwill. This wave and this rush of goodwill that you're really not gonna be able to gauge. But people are gonna stick around for that kind of stuff. I guarantee you.

Russel Lolacher: You think in the face of leadership being too busy, which I still think, that's the stigma, that the people are too busy to be good leaders. They're too busy. So when we're talking about handwritten notes, we're literally showing a physical thing that fights against the too busy stigma to show, Hey, look at what effort I put in to recognize you. Like it it's almost the antithesis of the leader who's too busy versus the leader who will carve out actual valuable time to write something out. Meaning it makes more, it means more to the person.

Because I'm like they're so busy they're at meetings and yet they still took the time to write this? This means more to me now.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Oh yeah, absolutely. They're gonna see that's part of that tick, tick in the head. They're gonna say, this took time, this took effort, this took personal, it, it's a personal act, and they did that for me, in, in their own handwriting. That's a big deal. And especially now, even people who haven't participated in letter writing at some point in their life. I have, I did when I was younger, but it's gonna mean something to, because they're gonna understand that's different than everything else they received. And you're right, they're so busy, but they're not busy enough to recognize me in this way 'cause, people know if you give 'em a plaque, I mean, I love plaques. I got plaques up all over. I'm all about that. I'm like the kid who wanted stickers. I'm still motivated. If you gave me a sticker chart, Russel, I'm all over it. I'm gonna have more stickers than anyone else, any of your other guests. But the thing is, they know their assistant orders the plaques. I'm not, I'm just saying it means something. It means more when that supervisor did it themselves. That manager, that vice president, that, whatever the role is, it is going to be off the charts and it's gonna enhance that relationship more than we can again, put vocabulary at.

Russel Lolacher: Why does email, Slack messages, instant messenger not have that personal feel? Because, I mean, sometimes it takes about the same amount of time to type out everything.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Oh yeah. Yeah.

Russel Lolacher: But it's not the physicality of it. But to your point, it's different and it's separate. Why do you think that is?

Amy Weiland Daughters: Because I think that's such a regular and ordinary and necessary part of our working, universe. You don't, we don't send anyone little notes anymore. And it's, and it's very intimate. And again, this is the unicorn comes back on screen here. But you know, for you, especially if we work remotely, if for me to hold something in my hands that, someone meant just for me, that physicality, has, and there's a vulnerability with handwriting.

If your handwriting's not great. That's amazing 'cause you're sharing that and you're like, look, I'm not perfect, but I'm gonna share this with you. And we don't know each other's handwriting. We do. 'cause people still do, work orders or notes or... but this is just, it's so next level you I guarantee you will not believe the impact.

And I've heard this feedback over and over again when I've spoken or been on a podcast. Real estate companies are using it to generate referrals. It, it could be used laterally in an organization, upwards, downwards. It could be basically used anywhere where there's a relationship. If you wanna look how this works from a business standpoint, people are hiring, they're getting, they're buying software and hardware that will do this, like robotically, like AI, like they will, and that's the other thing we're fighting against is this, AI can generate the best email appreciating someone, ChatGPT good. But if you do it in your own words, it's like unfiltering pictures, how refreshing that is. In your own words. And your words don't have to be perfect because that's better than ChatGPT, especially if you've handwritten it because they know. If you get something in the mail, it looks handwritten.

You're like this isn't handwritten, you don't believe that ,you're not buying into it. Your employees feel the same way. We're all living in the same world. Russel.

Russel Lolacher: And the world's changing so much. To your point, earlier you were talking about remote work. Have you seen the need for this grow as we seem to be geographically further and further away from each other?

Amy Weiland Daughters: Yes. Oh, absolutely. Because, and it's a way to reach people 'cause they're isolated at home. I mean, though, it's a great for people who can pull it off. It's a great advantage. But to have something delivered to your door from your boss telling you did a good job or telling you, you know again, something more personal or recognition or a condolence or a congratulations that it will, they'll be like, this person cares about me on a level, that makes me wanna work harder to do more, to be a part of this. I wanna be a part of this.

Russel Lolacher: And I, I feel as we get more and more separate from wanting phone calls, like that's becoming more and more things like, just text me, just email me. I don't want you to call me. I don't wanna hear a human being's voice because I'm busy. Or there's a lot of people with social anxiety that do not want to just even engage, but a handwritten note kind of gets around that. It's such a personal approach while still like a phone call used to be.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right.

Russel Lolacher: But it seems to be that acceptable way of communicating.

Amy Weiland Daughters: It's totally not intrusive. That's the other element. It is completely, it doesn't require a reply. It's not an awkward moment. What do I say now? And some of those manager employee relationships can be, I mean, I've been in awkward relationships like that. What do I say next? And those weird pauses, none of that. And then they can physically hold onto it for the rest of their lives too. I mean, you're giving them a gift really.

Russel Lolacher: Is every occasion worthy of a handwritten note or there's some things you're like, you know what, you probably shouldn't do that in a handwritten note.

Amy Weiland Daughters: I think you know that, if you're a manager, I think that's why brevity is probably a good thing. Just stick to the, because there's, I keep a list on my desk of who I'm gonna write a note to, and some of 'em are professional and those are brief. Thank you, for having me on your show, like it was a great experience and thank you for letting me share my story and talk about note writing, but I, going much more personal than that. That's one, it's not necessary. And two, is it appropriate, probably not unless we have an outside connection. But I think we know that you would just keep it brief and say what it is you have to say, obvious things.

Russel Lolacher: You, you talk about having a list yourself of to, of who you want to send it to, what goes into the effort of writing handwritten notes to make it a part of your practice? Because to your point, this probably shouldn't be a one-off, this shouldn't be a hey remember. when Russel sent that handwritten note five years ago?

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right.

Russel Lolacher: That was a good day.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right.

Russel Lolacher: Like it should be part of the DNA of the organization or how you engage. So how do you start this process and make it part of how you lead?

Amy Weiland Daughters: Well, I think that, and I've seen this, I think the best practice is it's really gotta fit you, your personality as a leader. So is it two times a week? Every Wednesday, thankful Thursday, I don't know, you pick one day or two days or three days or whatever your tolerance level is because it's work and it's putting yourself out there.

And I still, after all these notes, Russel, after all these letters, I still sit down. I'm like, oh my gosh, I gotta write another letter. And I don't, I mean, it's a human, it's a natural human response not to do, not to wanna do things even when you know they make a difference. But I think you make it a part of the fabric of your workday.

And if it's gonna be every morning you sit down. Every other morning, two days a week, one day a week it will have this, you just have to have a tolerance level that works for you. Every Friday, this is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna start my week this way, and you pick a time and you're gonna commit 15 minutes or 10 minutes, that's all it's gonna take you.

It's not going to be hard. And it's not gonna be long. And you have to get past the fact that you just have to let yourself see how it works. Do the first five and see what happens. Because it will have an incredible, it's like I said, it's just something in your tool belt. One thing that will just make a really big difference with a small investment.

Russel Lolacher: The thing is though, is a lot of managers are in leadership positions and they're horrible communicators, or they feel awkward or they feel inauthentic going down this path. What would you say to them?

Amy Weiland Daughters: You gotta fight that because I felt all those things, you have got to fight that and realize that it is never, there is never something wrong about one human reaching out to another human and saying something positive, that is never misplayed. Especially when it's done briefly and sincerely.

And I think we think that we live in this world where we feel like we need specific training to do things. That's not the case for this. I, and I think one of the drawbacks of my story is that I am a writer. It has nothing to do with me being a writer. It has with my story has everything to do with me being a human being relating to other human beings.

And I think you have to, you absolutely have to shut that down and just try it. And that's hard to do. Like I said, I still struggle with that and I'm the biggest advocate of letter writing that I know. Or note writing.

Russel Lolacher: Well, I wanna go back to the sort of comment I sort of slipped in earlier. The whole, I'm too busy thing. I'm just gonna drop this on my admin staff, Amy just get them to write it and I'll sign it. Like it's just that the machine of work and people being resistant to doing something like this. How do you carve out time? What, how do you prioritize this?

Amy Weiland Daughters: I think until, I think it's something you're gonna have to carve out 10 or 15 minutes for almost thinking this is counterintuitive. I'm gonna do it just because, I want to have these benefits. And then I think that once you have the momentum of, look at how this works, 'cause this is my experience in talking to leaders that they were like, I'm so glad I did it because I didn't realize the benefits.

And they basically just made themselves do it at the beginning thinking this is dumb, this isn't gonna work. And then they were like, oh my gosh, this is off the freaking chains. But I think you're just gonna, it's one of those things you're gonna have to do. I don't know I don't, I dunno if you compare it to exercise or self-education or some of those things we do, we're like, okay, why am I doing this? 'Cause I don't have time for it. I do not have time to do. This is something that you need to make time for because it works. And as a bonus, you are going to feel better about the whole, your whole entire self as a human being, as a leader by doing it. So it's like levels of benefit.

Russel Lolacher: But we both know it's not just about the messenger and the message, it's about the audience. So there's a lot of diversity in organizations. There's a lot, and I mean that generationally, I don't just mean that culturally. Is it always well received? Is it like, I always just a little nervous when I think of, here's a strategy that works for everybody.

I'm like, but does it though?

Amy Weiland Daughters: Yeah.

Russel Lolacher: So in your experience, do you feel like this is something no matter where you are in the spectrum of humanity, handwritten notes have impact?

Amy Weiland Daughters: I don't, I mean, I don't think there's anything we do as human beings that say, we can say it's a hundred percent foolproof. 'cause I think that's, people come from different places. I would say 97% of this will be well received. And I think there are people wh en you do something out of nothing but goodwill, that it still won't be received as goodwill.

But should that stop us from the other 97% of the impact we can have? No, and I, again, I think that's a unicorn approach, but what I've seen, the amount of goodness outweighs the 3% of people, and I don't think they'd be offended. I think it's more it's not intrusive unless people are not going to accept it that way.

Like why would you write me a note? But I think that's so rare and in between that I think it would be something not to be concerned about. I think I'd be more concerned about getting too personal in the letters with someone who you felt like, 'cause like you said, you gotta look at people and see who they are as a manager, and say and respect those boundaries 'cause there's some people who don't want HR with their information. Well then you just keep that professional and say, Hey, you knocked it outta the park on the blah, blah, blah deal. Or in the meeting the other day that point you made was brilliant. Just keep it completely professional. But you also know that people are all up in their feels who, if you wrote them a letter and say, I'm sorry your father died, that's gonna mean everything to them for years. You gotta be, but that's why you're the manager. You gotta, you gotta look at people or the leader, to your point. That's why you're the leader. You gotta know your people.

Russel Lolacher: And to you, as you mentioned before, it's a physical representation of effort and care. So even if you are a person on the other end that doesn't like, oh, this is weird, maybe it might inspire a conversation for them to clarify how they do like to be recognized. How they do want to be like, maybe, I mean, to your point, it could be two or 3%, but there still might be that people that just you know what I'd prefer if you just sent me a quick note in an email or so.

Great! Now I know I didn't know that before, but nobody to, to your point, is gonna take it as an immediate going, oh, well this is horrible. They're gonna see it as, oh, you care enough to spend that extra amount of time. Even though it doesn't work for me,

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right.

Russel Lolacher: I think it's a piece of your care.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right, and I think that outweighs, but I have not talked to anyone. I've talked about this a lot. I've talked to a lot of people in a lot of groups. I've not had one person come to back to me and say, Hey, they had that person who said that. But I'm not saying that's not out there. I'm not saying everyone's emailing me with every experience.

This is not, I'm not generating a coupon that says a hundred percent. I'm saying that act, what you just said. That act of personal care and concern, that effort that it took you out of your busy day outweighs a lot of other stuff you can mess up. It really does because that connection, that's why I, it overrides misspellings. It overwrites a whole lot of stuff because they will just be blown away that you took the time, especially in this frantic culture we're in.

Russel Lolacher: Do you think a lot of people will get in their own way in doing this? Because I mean, I hear we're talking about people that might feel inauthentic. They people might look like they're stupid 'cause they misspell a word.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right.

Russel Lolacher: Or they got bad handwriting. Do you think it's people just getting in their own way of this might make me be too vulnerable or my staff might look at me as too, I don't know, touchy feely?

Amy Weiland Daughters: I felt that way when I wrote the letters and I wrote 'em to friends. I felt like I was, I don't know if I felt like I was being inauthentic. I definitely felt like I was putting myself out there and was that even necessary? But again, all I can tell you is I, I'm an expert on this topic and I say that not to blow smoke up my own butt, but I am on a whole different bunch of different levels and a bunch of different arenas.

This works, and you will definitely get in your own way. I get in my own way, we're human beings. I mean us, putting ourselves out there and being vulnerable, especially in a professional situation where we're, there's all these rules, you know what we can and can't do, and it's overwhelming.

I, I don't think this is foolproof, but I do not think people can get this wrong. If you get outta your own way, it will be to your benefit and the benefit of the people who you work with. Absolutely. And in ways that you cannot understand and you can come back to me and I don't wanna be told that I'm right.

I just think this can make such a difference. That, that there is no, if you can get outta your own way, you're gonna be so glad a hundred percent that you did not that it's my idea, not 'cause I'm a great person. 'Cause it has power between humans enough so that I wanna share it.

Russel Lolacher: Does this scale? Because I mean, as we're talking, it sounds very much a leader sharing handwritten notes with their direct reports in an organization, but there's CEOs that have many people that report to them thousands could be within the organization. Is it something that they should be looking to do handwritten notes across the organization?

Is it just look within your layer? How do you scale this? Or should you?

Amy Weiland Daughters: I think it just, you let it take a, a course of its own. I mean, I've talked to a lot of people who've told me, oh yeah, no I'll be talking to 'em about this entire concept. They'll be I got a note one time from the vice president of my company, and I still have it in the drawer right behind me.

I think it's, again, it's gotta fit you as a leader personally, one note a week, one, five notes a year. To your point, don't just do one and then done. But I think absolutely CEOs could use it sparingly. I mean, it's gotta be used in the context of some people have thousands of people working for 'em.

Well, that's not doable, but maybe your direct reports you is the scale. Maybe you are, I mean, that's the thing. I mean, with customers, I mean, if you've got millions of customers, no, that doesn't work. But if you're a small startup, yes, it works. So there's the scaling's based on the situation you're in, but it basically would fit anywhere where you wanted to express something a congratulations or a well done, or a, you knocked outta the park kind of thing.

Russel Lolacher: Are there some preferred practices you would recommend to somebody that's going down this path for the first time going, oh, okay, I should have a list of people that I need to write handwritten notes, or I need to have a template of types of messages that I should have. What would you recommend to somebody where this doesn't come naturally to them.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right? I.

Russel Lolacher: And but they really want to?

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right. And I would, I mean, and I talked about ChatGPT earlier, you can use that and it's not inauthentic if you don't feel comfortable. So for the first couple notes you put in, appreciate and employ for this and see what comes out. Paraphrase that or use it directly. But when you sign your name and you put their name on it, and I guarantee you, so let's say you use that at the beginning to get you going.

Oh my gosh. You're going to know what to say by letter five. You are, because you're gonna use a variation of that, that you feel is in your own voice. And like all people who write and communicate, you're gonna look back and say, oh my gosh, I'm so much better at this than I was at the beginning.

Because that's the way we work as creative human beings, we get better. But use and it's not even a crutch. Use a tool that you're comfortable with a Google. Employee appreciation note, get examples and use that because it's not inauthentic 'cause you're still, the act of doing it is the important thing.

You know the message is important and if you're a professional person, yes, you wanna spell everything, right? Yes, you want it to make it look like professional 'cause you're the, you're the manager, but you can do that. So use good handwriting or as the best you can. I'm just saying the handwriting's a powerful thing because they know it's personal.

They know that it means more than the email 'cause it took more time, but use those tools we have as people in this century, to get the campaign kicked off and that's gonna make you feel more comfortable 'cause it's, you're gonna know it's words that somebody else used before. Now if you're a communicator in writing. If that's one of your gifts or tools, then this will be easy for you. But if not, lean on what you have. Even have someone help you, have your spouse help you have, a coworker help you to develop this and then it's not inauthentic because you're still, the reason you are doing it, it is still the same.

You're just using tools to get there.

Russel Lolacher: What would be your top five? I want to go to the people that are like, I don't even know where to start. Like I don't even know what note to even write about. What would be your top five occasions to write a handwritten note for?

Amy Weiland Daughters: Well, I think the top is like recognizing for some something that somebody did, even if it's small, because we all work and feel like no one notices what we're doing. So it could be like, you were great on a Zoom meeting we were in that meeting, we were with this customer, something you noticed, and you just jot it down in your meeting notes and circle it and put a star next to it.

Or you see a written piece of communication from that person. So the first is good job. And I think we as managers, we recognize those things every day, whether we follow through and they can be small things. It, it doesn't have to be you one. The Pulitzer Prize. Congratulations. Good job on your Oscar.

It doesn't have to be employee of the year type situations because I think the small stuff has a even bigger impact, really, but those things, and then a major life event, and again, you have to be whether you want to feel or not. But I've talked to so many people, and these are business podcasts that I talk to, and they talk about someone sending them a note when a parent died and they get emotional about a supervisor or a coworker or somebody they Zoom with from New Jersey once a week. They talk about with such great emotion that they were recognized and it a really short note. It does not have to get personal. I am sorry that your mother died, Russel.

Russel Lolacher: Yeah.

Amy Weiland Daughters: That and they will talk about that and I bet that's happened to me 25 times where people have brought that up.

It is so huge so that, a big life event like that, or I dunno, you have to be careful, like congratulations, keeping that kind of in the professional thing. But things that are exceptions. You had a baby, sending someone a card, a new mom card to the house and it does not have to be personal, but you saw that person be pregnant the whole time, so it's not like a surprise to anyone.

Congratulations on your new baby girl. Looking forward to having you back at work. You know, Russel. That's, and it's huge.

Russel Lolacher: I think it's that balance we've talked about in the show before about how professionalism, I'm a huge, I hate professionalism 'cause I think it's more of a barrier to diversity and all these things. 'cause it, it stops you from being more human. However, to your point, you could be too human.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right.

Russel Lolacher: You can be way too personal and go down that. So there's almost this balance where you need to be respectful in the sort of, in the middle of it.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Right. And I think you keep non-intrusive as the word in your head. I wanna say these things, but I don't wanna get all up in your business. I just want you to know that I see you and I appreciate you, and I value you enough to do this. And what happens to you matters to me.

'Cause that's really the what people wanna know. I mean, that's what I wanna know. I mean that makes me feel good, and then by again, the bonus in this whole transaction is you are going to look at employees differently. You are going to see things differently and this is a messed up world we live in, and it gives you a chance every day or every other day, or every Monday or whatever you, your scale, whatever your plan is, to realize you can do something good for another person in a day.

And again, unicorns prancing all over the screen. It is a difference maker. You'll be a better leader for doing this. And this is a guarantee because you can't, on the other side of transaction, you have no control over what happens, but I think that's 97%, pretty much for sure. A lock. But you can control how it makes you feel. That's a guarantee. You will feel good and do it in a way that fits you. And that's the other thing. We're all so different. This has to fit your personality, your level of how much you can, you feel like you can put out there. But I think in my experience, once you start doing it, you're gonna build momentum that you didn't, and I've heard this from a lot of people.

Oh my gosh, now I, it just feels like a regular part of who I am as a leader.

Russel Lolacher: I can't think of a better way to wrap up the conversation, Amy. Thank you so much for that. This flew by. I have one more question to ask you before we get on our merry way. Amy. What's one simple action people can do right now to improve their relationships at work?

Amy Weiland Daughters: Well, you know what I'm gonna say, because why wouldn't I say it? I just, we just talked about it for 40 minutes. I would say, whether it's a sticky note that you stick on somebody's monitor or just a little note, just do one and, see what happens. And I think the thing is, you talked a lot about getting in your own way, and I, that's such a part of my personal experience, but there are those moments in life where we do something that we feel like is crazy or a little bit nutso, or a little bit out there, and those a lot of times are, those are the moments where our life pivots professionally, personally. So maybe your inner voice is not talking about letter writing. 'cause when you're listening to us right now, maybe it's saying something else. So maybe the takeaway is let's all go do that one thing that we feel like a little nuts, a little crazy, and let's believe ourselves, believe our own BS just enough to do something great.

Russel Lolacher: That is Amy Weinland Daughters. She's an author, keynote speaker, and humorist. You should definitely check out her inspiring book, her award-winning book. Dear Dana, That Time I Went Crazy and Wrote All 580 of My Facebook Friends a Handwritten Letter. Thank you so much for being here, Amy.

Amy Weiland Daughters: Thank you so much, Russel. I enjoyed being on.