The Cost of Caring Too Much: How to Lead Without Losing Yourself

Caring makes you a better leader. But what happens when it starts to hurt?

In this solo episode of Relationships at Work, host Russel Lolacher explores the emotional toll of leadership when we care too much. While empathy and passion can strengthen our connection with teams, they can also lead to burnout, blurred boundaries, and frustration—especially when others don’t seem to care as much.

Russel shares the signs of compassion fatigue and offers practical ways to protect your mental health while staying engaged as a leader. If you’ve ever felt like you were carrying the weight of your workplace on your shoulders, this episode is for you.

And connect with me for more great content!

• Sign Up for R@W Notes
• Subscribe on Youtube
• Follow on Linkedin
• Follow on Instagram
• Follow me on Threads
• Follow on TikTok
• Email me anytime

Transcript

Welcome back to Relationships At Work – Your leadership guide to building workplace connections and avoiding blind spots..  I’m your host Russel Lolacher

I’m a communications and leadership nerd with a couple of decades of experience and a heap of curiosity on how we can make the workplace better. If you’re a leader trying to understand and improve your impact on work culture and the employee experience, you’re in the right place.

This mini-episode is a quick and valuable bit of information to help your mindset for the week ahead. 

Inspired by our R@W Note Newsletter, I’m passing on to you… 

The Problem of Caring Too Much

Caring deeply about what you do and why you do it is so important for us as leaders. It's the fuel that gets us up in the morning. It's the reason we connect and engage with our teams. It's why we're so passionate about the work and responsibilities set before us.

Having that deep sense of caring comes with a lot of positives.
 It can:

• Build stronger, deeper, and more trusting relationships.
• Boost our empathy and understanding because we’re able to better relate to others.
• Increase our commitment and loyalty—especially when our leaders or coworkers return that kind of care.
• Inspire others to emulate that mindset, creating a ripple effect across the culture.
• And improve our reputation—as we’re seen as an organizational example of what a healthy employee experience could look like.

I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it. Especially with teams I’ve led and spoken to – when leaders care with intention, trust with their team skyrockets. People lean in more. And suddenly you’re not just managing work, you’re cultivating a culture. 

But caring a lot can also be… really, really hard. Especially when it feels like we care too much. I’ve seen and felt that too. 

Caring can be one of the most painful traits we bring into the workplace.
 When we care so much, it can genuinely hurt to witness or experience:

• Poor decisions.
• Neglect of what we feel is important.
• Others being mistreated, undervalued, or outright ignored.

And sometimes, the hardest part isn’t the situation itself – it’s the feeling like you’re the only one who does care. That lonely tension of being emotionally invested in a place that seems emotionally absent. 
 “Why don’t they care more?” “Why do they seem OK with this?” “Why are they so dismissive?” – I’m sure you may have asked yourself these questions. 

Because caring too much can impact us personally:

• It can lead to compassion fatigue—where we shoulder the emotional weight of others while wondering why they don't seem to carry their share.
• It can make it tough to set boundaries. You want to help. You want to be available. But soon you're always available—and always drained.
• It can create perceptions of bias or favoritism—especially when we get emotionally tied to particular people, projects, or programs.
• And it can cloud our judgment, making it harder to lead with clarity, especially when tough calls need to be made.

So... how do we walk that line? That line of feeling like we care too much?

That’s the leadership balancing act, isn’t it?

It’s important to care. It’s what drives trust and engagement. I’ll never say don’t care. That’s what makes you a great leader. But it’s also important to protect our mental health and lead sustainably.

Here are a few ideas to consider if you find yourself in this situation:

1. Set Clear Boundaries

Define what's appropriate for your role and where your lines are. And make sure those lines are visible—not just in your head. If you’re constantly staying late, always jumping in to fix other people’s problems, or never saying NO… people will assume that’s your default. But leadership isn’t about being endlessly available – it’s about being strategically available. 

2. Practice Active Listening Without Over-Involvement

Yes, listen. Yes, empathize. But don’t feel like every concern needs to land squarely on your shoulders. Ask open-ended questions. Empower others to find solutions.
 Instead of “Let me fix this for you,” try, “What do you think your options are?” or “How can I support without taking this on for you?” It builds confidence and trust—without draining your tank.

3. Keep the Bigger Picture in Mind

When you’re passionate, every small thing can feel like a crisis. Damn, I’ve been there. But leadership requires zooming out. What’s urgent vs. important? What’s a priority right now—and what can wait?
 I like to think of it like this: leaders are pilots, not passengers. We need to keep checking the instruments—not just reacting to turbulence.

4. Care for Yourself

You know this, but I’ll say it again: self-care isn’t selfish. It’s survival.

That means practicing mindfulness, reaching out to peer mentors, unplugging regularly, even just stepping away for a walk.
 What are your recharge rituals? What helps you reset? If you don’t know, it might be time to find out. Burnout doesn’t always show up as exhaustion—it can also show up as indifference. And when leaders stop caring altogether… the ripple effects are brutal.

5. Reflect and Adjust

Check in with yourself. Weekly, if not daily.
 Ask:

• Am I helping or hurting by getting involved here?
• Am I carrying this because it matters—or because no one else will?
• What would it look like to care… with limits?

Like I said, I’ll never tell you not to care. Great leaders do care. That’s what makes them great.

But great leaders also have an incredible sense of self-awareness. They understand that their ability to lead effectively starts with how well they care for themselves.
 
So here’s for you this week: What’s something—or someone—you’ve been carrying too heavily? And what would change if you stepped back, even slightly, and cared a little more sustainably?

 Caring is absolutely superpower as a leader. But even superpowers need boundaries.