Relationships at Work - The Guide to Building Workplace Connections and Avoiding Leadership Blind Spots.

Add Humanity - Experts Share Lessons From Their Leadership Stories

• Russel Lolacher • Episode 200

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In this episode of Relationships at Work, we celebrate the 200th episode of the show. To mark the occasion, Russel invites back former guests and a few listeners to share their personal experiences with the work relationships that have shaped their leadership journeys.

We ask these experts three questions and learn so much from their answers.

  1. What is the most impactful work relationship you've ever had and why was it impactful?
  2. What have your work relationships taught you about being a better leader?
  3. With all the hindsight and experience you have now, what do you wish you would have done sooner to build better relationships at work faster?

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Hey! If you're enjoying the insights from our guests, you'll love our R@W Notes Newsletter. It’s packed with guest takeaways, the resources that inspire them, and my own tips on how we as leaders can be better humans for the humans the are responsible for. Go to RelationshipsAtWorkShow.com and Subscribe Now and help the workplace be more human.

And connect with me for more great content!

Russel Lolacher: Welcome back to Relationships At Work, your guide to building workplace connections and avoiding leadership blind spots. I'm your host, Russel Lolacher, and this is a very special episode, which makes me feel a little nostalgic for myself as a child, because I always remembered a very special episode of Family Ties or Different Strokes, or I'm telling you how old I am.

And that's fine. That's, I've come to terms with it. It's fine, but it is a very special episode. It is our 200th episode. Back to our launch from January 7th of 2022. We picked up some speed around our 60th episode where we started releasing two episodes a week, every Tuesdays with a global guest and expert in leadership impact.

And every Thursday is a solo mini episode that illustrates some insights and to prep you for the week ahead from, from myself to you. And now we're here. We are here at 200... I, it's weird to say out loud it has been a hell of a journey. I'll be honest. I'm using this as much for my own leadership journey as you are. Learning! Development! Listening to experts, sharing my ideas and insights while testing them against their research and experiences and basically just making my brain bigger as much as yours, because really to be a leader, you have to understand that learning never ends. You never know it all. You've never done, finished, kaput, checkbox. The show has always been about relationships and I can't tell you how much that's been even more cemented over these episodes. How the impact of those relationships, our leadership, good or bad can have such profound influence on those are we are responsible for, our employees. It just, it got hammered over and over again in my conversations on the podcast, with others that listen to the podcast, like yourself. To illustrate that really, to bring that home, I kick off every episode, as with the same question, what's your best or worst employee experience?

It never takes my guest long to come up with one. It never does. Good or bad. It never takes long. And they're always from like 20, 30, 40 years ago. And it really illustrates that as a leader, our impact is not just a day in the life of someone. If it's good, it can be inspirational. It can model for them, their career, their leadership path ahead. And if it's bad... trauma. It's something they're carrying with them. That, that says a lot, 20, 30, 40 years later.

So first I want to recognize for our 200th episode, the most important vital relationship I have is with you. Thank you. Thank you for being a part of this journey. I'm in awe of the feedback and the podcast reviews and the engagement and the interest in this leadership development and how much it's been meaningful and helpful to you on your path.

So thank you. Thank you for joining me on this leadership journey as we learn together, as we engage, as we get better incrementally, leaps and bounds. Everybody's on their own journey. But the important thing is that we're all prioritizing this. So I wanted to mark this occasion, this milestone and celebrate it with you.

So I invited some of our guests back to join in on really digging into their own relationships, their own work relationships, what they mean and why they mean so much to them as leaders. So this episode will be a bit different. I've asked these guests to answer three questions. Number one, what is the most impactful work relationship you've ever had and why is it impactful? Number two, what have your work relationships taught you about being a better leader and number three, with all that hindsight and experience that you have now, what do you wish you would have done sooner to build better relationships at work? I'm blown away by those guests that said yes, that, that joined in, that wanted to contribute, that wanted to share their experiences with us.

So I, without further ado, I'm going to shut up. So let's hear from our amazing guests as they share their own personal, impactful stories of their relationships at work.

Angela Stopper: Hi there, my name is Angela Stopper and I am the Chief Learning Officer at the University of California at Berkeley. As I think about the most impactful relationships I've had and why they were impactful in my work, there's so many, I've had so many amazing mentors and supporters and champions, peers and people that work on the teams that I lead and bosses that have just been really, really crucial in my development.

But I think the foundation of that all started when I had started to pay attention to my relationship I had with myself. So thinking about self trust, thinking about how I took care of myself, making sure that I was paying attention to my needs, Be they mental, physical, wellness, learning, whatever they were.

When I started to really pay attention to that, it opened me up and allowed me to be the better leader that I wanted to be for the folks that were on those teams that I was leading, to be a better peer, to be a better team member, a collaborator, thought partner, co conspirator. Really Paying attention to the relationship I had with myself was so critical and building that foundation.

And as I think about what working relationships have taught me and helped me to be a better leader, it's really around that empathy piece the self empathy, obviously thinking about being caring to myself and forgiving for myself, but also as I built relationships and built these colleagueships or friendships are in the work office.

It really opened my eyes to the power of empathy, the power of supporting others, really having a diverse and full view. The only way you can do that is by surrounding yourself with people who have a different life work experience than you do, have a different educational background, have a different, maybe even political views or, or views about how work happens and what work should do.

It's great to have similarity in our networks. It's also really powerful to have thoughtful, caring diversity so that we can make sure we continue to support our growth mindset to grow and to develop throughout our careers, to not get stagnant, to make sure that we are continuing to be the leaders that we want to be.

And in hindsight, when I think about what I wish I would have done sooner, It's maybe just that it's really grabbing hold of the amazing opportunities we have to get out and meet people who are different than us, meet people who have a different live experience life experience and we do really being intentional.

About expanding my network, expanding my mind, expanding my experiences through knowing other people and through learning from them through diversifying that, that group that I look to as my trusted thought partners. I really wish, in hindsight, I maybe had started that sooner. I feel like I have an unbelievably diverse and powerful and thoughtful network.

And if anybody in my network is watching this, I just want to say thank you for helping to make me a better person, helping to make me a better leader. I will continue to expand and to grow. That's my kind of dedication to myself is continuing to make sure that my network and my support group and my thought partners and the people that I count on for new ideas and the people that I count on to support me and my success, the people that I look to who work on the team that I manage continuing to make sure that they have what they need. All of that is, is amplified by making sure that my mind is open and always thinking about new things and new ways to do things and having new ideas. And I think the biggest piece of that is by having a diverse network of people around me. So I hope that this is helpful for you as you're thinking about becoming the leader that you want to be.

Again, my name is Angela Stopper, Chief Learning Officer at UC Berkeley. Thank you for all that you're doing out there in the world to make the world a better, learning, more open place.

Bailey Parnell: The most impactful work relationship I've ever had would be my husband, because we met at work. But if I was answering someone beyond the obvious, I would say one of the most impactful work relationships I had was with my first ever people leader. Most people learn how to become a leader by who led them before, not because they were taught in school, not because they're taught in onboarding, not because they're given a course when they become a leader, though I think that they should.

And I was lucky that my first people leader was someone who really prioritized soft skills like emotional intelligence. We actually did a team building exercise with the whole crew. We expected that people would go through conflict. We talked about this even before any of it happened and that remains true throughout my entire time working with them.

I have been an entrepreneur for much of my career now, and I actually took a lot of the strategies for relationship building that I used when I was working within a larger organization over to my business. And one of those things was building relationships with intention because of success in my role within an organization or success in my role as an entrepreneur includes collaborating with other people, then to me, building relationships with those people, independent of the one email or one project at hand, is kind of a necessary prerequisite.

I wish that everybody would do that sooner.

Amii Barnard-Bahn: Hi, I'm Amii Barnard-Bahn, and I am an executive C-suite coach and former Fortune 5 executive, and I am here to congratulate Russel Lolacher on his 200th episode of Relationships at Work, which is quite an achievement. And I'm going to answer questions that he gave me. So the first is what is the most impactful work relationship you've ever had? And why was it impactful? I would say my most impactful relationship at work, was my boss early in my career, who was really the first great leader that I knew. She was politically savvy. She was in difficult political situations and sometimes would share those with me, which was incredible mentoring.

And I always knew that she believed in me and had my back. And that was really something critical. And we're still friends to this day. So she's still been a sponsor and friend. And I love that my work relationships, whether they taught me about being a better leader, that it's, that it's a full time job that, how you show up matters, that when you're a leader, everyone is watching you all the time.

So whether you're in the elevator making sure that you say hello to everyone, even if you don't know everyone's name. Just being friendly and setting that optimism, I think is really important. Was important to me. With hindsight and experience, what I wish I would have done sooner to build better relationships at work faster, especially younger in my career.

And this is the advice I give everyone is get good at giving and receiving effective feedback, because it's the only way to truly accelerate your career and learn fast, quickly fail fast. And you kind of get, got to get over yourself in terms of your ego in order to get the information you need to get ahead.

And this is particularly true for women and people of color who don't often get actionable developmental feedback. There's been a lot of studies shown. So, that is what I wish I had done better, and I'm working on all the time. And again, I want to congratulate Russel on this incredible achievement. And thanks so much for having me on your podcast.

Bonnie Low-Kramen: Hello, I'm Bonnie Low-Kramen. Russel asked me to share the most impactful work relationship I ever had. And there's no question about it. For 25 years, I worked as the personal assistant to Oscar winning actress Olympia Dukakis. She won her Academy Award for the film Moonstruck with Cher. Now, in that experience, I had a front row seat, not only for fame, but for how to navigate the world as a professional working woman in the, in show business, which is very tough. The, the worlds of film and television and theater.

With Olympia as a role model, I learned to find my own voice. I learned. To not be afraid or shy away from my own ambition and to treat every person around me with respect, honesty, and love. And so what have I learned about leadership? In 40 years of working, what I know for sure is that the very best relationships, the ones that last the longest, the ones that are sustained over time and are able to weather the bumps and bruises are the ones that make it about the people. Who... they never lose the humanity of, of the individuals doing the work. We care about them. We want to know specifically what is, what matters to them. And it's not one size fits all, it's different for everyone. And so does that take more time and energy as a leader to get to know your people as individuals? Yes. And it's totally worth it.

I mean, after all, the people are the backbone of our companies, the right arms to leaders. We painstakingly hire people in the first place. We need to do a much better job of taking care of them. What I wish I knew sooner in my career was that people do things for people who they know, like, and trust.

That we're told go to college and get good grades and, those A's do matter a lot, and what you learn certainly is important, but equally important is who are you doing the learning with, who's in those classes with you, and who's teaching those classes? Those are the people with whom we can stay connected over the years.

What I wish I knew sooner was the power of networking and focusing on the who.

Chris Hsiung: So what have work relationships taught me about being a better leader? It's that we're all human, that we all struggle, that we have good days and that we have bad days. And a lot of times things that maybe are affecting us at home creep into the workplace. And so as a leader, it's our responsibility to create that safe place, to create that safe environment that those on our team can come to us and say, you know what?

I'm not a hundred percent today. Or here's what's going on. I could use a little grace and leaders have to have that kind of awareness. They have to have that antenna up in order to really truly serve those in the organization, because without that, everyone's faking it and you're going to have all this added stress and there's going to be dynamics that come into play and just cause problems.

The opposite is true too. When you create a workplace environment that is welcoming and accepting that, you know what, sometimes things happen and that there's these human factors involved. It's a dynamic culture that everyone wants to be a part of.

So what do I wish I would have learned sooner at work to help build relationships better? I would say it would be to be more genuine to really be honest with yourself, to know yourself, as opposed to trying to be a leader or a person that you're not. Early on in my career, I think in my leadership roles, I tried to emulate different leaders that I saw and some of them worked, some of them didn't.

And it wasn't until later in my leadership journey that I figured out that, you know what, I am who I am. And I accept my leadership style. I accept my communication style. I'm aware of my blind spots and to really let that sit and be comfortable with it. And not only that, but to turn around and to share that with those you work with, because that type of vulnerability really opens the door to true work relationships, conversation, trust, because it really tells everyone around you that, you know what, you're human as well.

And despite the struggles that we might all have in our day to day, that we're in this together. And that factor really helps build a dynamic work culture.

Ian Foss: Good afternoon. My name is Ian Foss. I'm the Director of Indigenous Partnerships and Reconciliation at the Ministry of Agriculture. I also teach leadership at the Northern Alberta Institute of Technology in their emergency management program. I am a descendant my, or my dad is from the Carcross Tagish First Nation in the southern Yukon.

My mom is European. I'm thankful my good friend Russel has reached out to ask a couple questions. So the first one what's the most impactful work relationship you ever had and why it was impactful? I've had a few impactful relationships in my career. In emergency management, one of the most impactful relationships I had was with a fellow named Chris Duffy. He was the Executive Director of the Provincial Emergency Program when I started and he was there for years. What I really remember about Chris is that he would come by, and he knew everybody's name and the organization at that time was Emergency Management BC.

There was only 60 people, so it's pretty easy. But it increased significantly in size. And I used to see Chris every morning with a coffee in his hand, walking around, just saying hi to people. But he, he was a, he was an amazing leader as well. Like he, he, he, we worked to get to know you. So he was one of the first people that, that, like, actually took his, took an interest to get to know me and approach things with kindness and empathy.

And I learned a lot from him. And really it was my first government job. And yeah, so it, I think that's why it was so impactful and he... He was just so kind and so personable and just like, he's just so memorable to me. And he's a place in my heart because just the way he related to people.

And I took that to be like, this is how I want people... this is how I want people to look at me. I want people to look at me with that's a kind person coming to see me. The second question, what your work relationships have taught you about being a better leader? Yeah so I learned a lot working 15 years in Emergency Management at BC.

A lot about stress and managing stress and, and working with others and kindness. And it's, it's, it's really hard on, on people to work in a, in a place of emergency or in a state of emergency full time, all the time. And one of the things that it taught me is, was as a leader was sometimes it's okay to say no, and sometimes you have to say no. Recently I've watched even Olympian Simone Biles, she, she backed out of the Olympics for wellness reasons, the last ones, and she's back this year. She's winning. She knew she needed to take a break for her own wellness, she did, and she's came back as a high performer, so knowing when to say when is incredibly important, so that was one of the, one of the things that I've learned, and it's, it's through relationships, I believe.

With watching others work in these, in these roles and not being able to put things down. And I actually left Emergency Management BC about four months ago. One of the big things is I just couldn't, couldn't stop myself. And emergency management is just like that.

It just it, it drags you in. So, I'm working in a very similar role, but working on partnerships and, and leadership. And to me, that's, that's really where the gold is. The last question with hindsight and experience I have now, what do you wish you had done sooner to build relationships at work faster?

Yeah, that's a good one. And I, I'm not sure that said I, I didn't, I waited until I was 38 to start a master's program. I did a Master of Emergency Management... Disaster and Emergency Management and use that as a leverage into my government career. So perhaps if I'd started that 10 years earlier, I'd be at a better place to retire now.

But you know, in retrospect, it is what it is. So the nice thing is that I I am able to work in this sort of a place of my passion, which is relationships. I, I like to lead, I I get a lot of, of, of, I don't even know what to say, a lot out of it. And it just being a heart centered leader is incredibly important to me.

Following in the footsteps of people like Chris Duffy is also incredibly important to me. And with that this podcast the Relationships at Work podcast is one I listen to religiously. A lot of the times I actually listen to the, the, the podcasts twice, cause sometimes it takes me a little, little bit to stick and I do like to hear them.

So but you know, I just want to wish Russel... 200 episodes. That's something to be proud of and in such an incredible sphere of influence. So Gunalchéesh, my friend keep up the great work and yeah, I am just tickled that you've chosen me to be one of your 200th anniversary guests.

Ganalchéesh.

Hamza Kahn: My name is Hamza Khan. I'm an author, educator, and entrepreneur. I'm the co founder of Skills Camp, a leading soft skills development company, and I'm absolutely thrilled to be answering some questions from my man, Russel Lolacher, in celebration of his 200 episode milestone with his show, Relationships at Work.

The first question I'm going to answer is, what is the most impactful work relationship you've ever had, and why was it impactful? So, on my very first day, in my first ever leadership role, the first set of instructions that I received from my boss, Alan Grant, were make yourself obsolete. And I laughed out loud when I heard that, because I thought to myself, you can't be serious, the ink on my contract is literally drying, and here you are asking me to write myself out of a job.

And he clarified, he wanted me out of the job by the end of the year. And sensing my hesitation seeing me literally squirm in my seat, he explained himself. He said when you make yourself obsolete, it'll presuppose that you've hired effectively. You've trained effectively, you've created succession plans, you've removed obstacles and you've empowered your team to run without you. And when, not if you succeed, when you succeed you will become hands off. And I thought about it and I thought It made a lot of sense for the team. It made a lot of sense for the organization. But who didn't make sense for? This guy. Because I was like, Alan, what am I going to do once I make the team obsolete? I'm going to be out of a job. And without skipping a beat, he said, easy, you're just going to create more leaders and build more systems.

Now, I'll admit back then, I was still a little bit iffy about the whole idea, but I went ahead with it and my goodness, what an adventure it has been. I'm convinced nearly two decades later that my career is an echo of that one conversation that took place with Alan Grant. And why that was impactful is because it formed the foundation of my leadership approach and overall philosophy, which continues to carry me to this day.

The second question I'm going to answer is what have your work relationships taught you about being a better leader? I believe that leadership It's all about relationships. I would even go as far as to say that we need to collapse the categories of leaders and followers into a single unified category that would see us not as leaders, not as followers, not as employees, but as people first, and that is the approach that we so desperately need in the current time, which is to put people first, to see each other, to humanize the workplace. And so that new category that could emerge from this conversation is fellowship, one in which everyone in an organization is a leader and everyone is simultaneously a follower. And the third and final question I'm going to answer is with all the hindsight and experience you have now, what do you wish you would have done sooner to build better relationships at work faster?

I wish I would have overridden my introversion and my tendency to procrastinate when it comes to building relationships with everyone that I work with. Informally, Gallup's Chief Workplace Scientist was asked, what is the most important habit of a great leader? And he responded by saying, one meaningful conversation per week with each team member.

And I tried to do that early in my career only through one on ones, but I realize now that the strength of relationships in a workplace happens outside of those one on ones. It happens in those one on ones, don't get me wrong, but it happens in those serendipitous conversations, the Slack message here, the water cooler conversation there, outside of work.

And again, really seeing employees, really seeing leaders, followers, everyone in the organization, as just people. And it's people that develop relationships with people. All right. Thank you so much, Russel, for having me on the Relationships at Work podcast. Congratulations on 200 episodes and continue to rock on my man.

Jen Buck: Hi, my name is Jen Buck, and I'm a professional speaker, and I was excited to be a guest on the pod. So thank you, Russel, for that. So I've been thinking a lot about what has made me the leader that I am today. And it always takes me back to one person who invested me early on, and her name was Donna. And she hired me into the startup that I worked at for a decade where I started my training career.

And it seems to me that what made her very special was the fact that she invested in me, even when she didn't need to. I was literally a college student, and she was interested in me being better, not just at my job, but as a human being. And she was constantly investing in me through training and making sure I had different certifications.

But she took the time to really show me what great leadership looks like. And she took a personal interest in me. In fact, she's still someone who is in my life to this day, 30 plus years later. So. I, I don't think I would've gotten to where I did without her. And when I think back to what I wish I would've done earlier in my career, I know that it has to do with formal mentoring.

Donna wasn't a formal mentor, but she was more invested in me in any than any leader I'd ever had. But I, I wish I would've done more formal mentoring earlier on because it really is what catapults people's careers when we invest in them. And while I didn't have formal mentorship, I wish I would have done more of that and asked for more of that because it's literally the gateway to the next level.

And it's getting that sponsorship, right? That investment. And it's something that's measurable that can help people go from point A to point B. And I know I had a great mentor very casually, but still very relevant in my world. I just wish I would have done more to make sure that I could be that formal mentor for other people.

And that might be why I'm speaking to this day, because I work so hard to make sure that those relationships don't just get ignited on stage, but they, they work further than that moment at an event. And I do end up doing a lot of mentoring to this day, but I wish I would have done it earlier on, more formally.

So Russel, thank you for bringing me into your world. And I am so glad that I got a chance to meet you and spread a little joy with your audience and, and drop some wisdom. So good luck to you. Happy anniversary. Boy, what an accomplishment to get this far with the podcast. Keep rocking brother. Talk soon.

Kate Nasser: Hi, this is Kate Nasser, the People Skills Coach, and I have spent my entire work life focusing on great human interaction for success in business. That includes leadership, customer service, customer experience, and teamwork. And Russ Lolacher, the founder of Relationships at Work podcast... coming up with its 200th podcast, congratulations Russ, has asked me to answer the following three questions.

What was the most impactful relationship, work relationship I've ever had? And I have to say that it was with one particular customer that I did a lot of work for over many years. And one day, sort of out of the blue, said to me, 'Kate, your brand is not service and teamwork and leadership. Your brand is integrity.'

And I, I was thrilled, but I was shocked by that because it came out of the blue. So I thought about it. And basically what they, what he was telling me was that they trusted me implicitly because they never had to think about why is she doing this. They knew that what I cared about most was their success.

So the second question Russ asked me to answer was, what have I learned from these impactful relationships? And I would say build trust and do it from the very beginning. Be honest with care, not blunt and boorish and hurtful. And be reliable, of course. Because when you are highly reliable, when you're always learning, when you care very much about delivering what you promise, the trust that that brings, is irreplaceable.

And the last question he asked me to answer was, looking back on my career, my work relationships, what do I wish I had done sooner? And in my, my answer is that in my very early work life, I wished that I had spoken up sooner, especially when there was potential conflict because I had the skills to do it without offending.

I just didn't know whether or not that's what the culture wanted. So definitely I would have spotted the signs of the culture sooner and spoken up sooner. So congratulations Russ on your 200th episode and I hope I can be on another podcast with you and share insights and hear yours as well.

Leslie O'Flahavan: Hi Russ, it's Leslie O'Flahavan here wishing you many, many congratulations on your 200th episode of Relationships at Work. Love it. You've done a great job and I'm always curious to meet new people through your work. So you've asked for three questions... my answers to three questions to celebrate this 200th episode and here they are.

What's the most impactful business relationship I've had or work relationship? Well, one of them, if not the most, one of the most was my business partnership with my dear friend and beloved partner, Marilyn Rudick, who was my partner in E-Write from 1996 until her retirement in 2011. Our relationship was creative, challenging, deep, respectful.

And she helped me and I helped her. And together we built E-Write for the first 15 years or so. And I'll, there'll never be another Marilyn and I hold her fondly. And I'm glad to call her my friend till today. So your second question was, what have I learned about being a better leader? Well, as a consultant, I'm kind of a, satellite leader.

I, I don't have the same pressures or responsibilities for daily leadership, daily contact with my employees because I'm a satellite. I'm a consultant. But I've seen a lot of leaders in action and I have to say the one thing that I notice that makes a great leader when I work with my clients is that this person listens a lot. They listen sincerely. They listen frequently, and they probably listen more than they talk. So my, your third question for me was, in hindsight, what could I have done to build better relationships faster? So this is really a personal reaction. I think that I could have been more humble along the way, that sometimes my excitement or my enthusiasm made me, I don't know, drive over people and, and maybe listen too little myself or just get carried away.

So I think I would just calm down and let the other person lead sometimes. That would have made me a better leader along the way. So thanks for the questions. Thanks for your partnership and friendship and many, many congratulations.

Mike Vardy: Hi, I'm Mike Vardy and I want to talk about my relationships at work and how they've impacted me. So the first one is what's the most impactful work relationship I've ever had? How did it impact me? Well, there is this gentleman that I worked with at Costco. He was my assistant warehouse manager. And while I know this might be a cliched response, when I would go to him with an issue, he would say to me, if you're going to come to me with a problem, come to me with a solution to that problem.

And while initially, I thought that it was him brushing off my issue or whatnot. It turns out that really what he was doing was empowering me to come to the table with my own solution to a problem that I had, and that was validating. It was empowering. And I really appreciated that. And I've taken that to others that I've worked with, including my own kids to kind of empower them to come up with solutions to problems because they might have a perspective that I don't.

And I think that's what that assistant warehouse manager was sharing with me.

What have my work relationships taught me about being a better leader? Well really, I think that compassion has been a big thing. And it's a good thing. I, I've really tried hard to be compassionate with those that I've worked with, both those that are kind of working with me and those that are maybe I'm working with that are clients as a solopreneur, I do have contractors and stuff, but they did have having compassion, and understanding where that line is, I think has been really, really valuable.

I, I loathe to say empathy because I think empathy can be used in, in a different way and it actually can be used against you. There's this book by Paul Bloom called Against Empathy and he leans towards compassion and I do as well. I think it's allowed me to kind of dive into being more compassionate as a leader as opposed to forceful or, anything like that and has allowed me to cast my ego aside So I think that that's what I've learned. Now with all the hindsight and experience that I've now what do I wished, that I would have done differently or sooner to build better relationships or faster. I think that I think having a greater understanding of where people are at and having the ability to ask those questions, so that I can have perspective and also have more compassion for where they're at. I think if I had learned that sooner, or figured that out sooner, I would have been able to implement it sooner.

And it would have made for less kind of chasms in communication, less gaps along the way. We would have had more honest conversations about things. Expectations would be managed. And that's, I think the key to it all is the key to all of this is managing expectations. So I think that would have allowed me to manage expectations better.

So I think if I grasped that sooner, then I would have been able to manage expectations better and more consistently, which would have led to better outcomes over time.

Maureen McCann: Good morning. It's Maureen McCann. I'm an executive career strategist. I help executives change jobs at senior levels and I'm here to first of all congratulate you, Russel on 200 podcast episodes. That's fantastic. I'm looking forward to listening in on even more. But you had some questions for us and people who had participated in your podcast thus far and I wanted to answer, take a moment now and answer some of those questions.

So your first question around impactful relationships, I've had quite a few in my time. There's two that stand out for me, but I want to draw attention to the second one where I really watched this person lead by example. In fact, they became a mentor to me. They even had a relationship with a lot of my network already.

And so when I came to this job, I already knew this person by reputation and they, they definitely lived up to it. What I found fascinating was how they led by example, how they had difficult conversations and really did a great job communicating effectively and transparently about what the expectations were in the work environment, not just with the staff, but with the clients as well.

And that really left an impact on me. I learned so much from that individual. What I've learned most about leadership skills in the work relationships that I've had is that well, I've watched people throughout the years and I've learned that each person has different strengths and uses those within the context of leadership.

And so you don't necessarily have to have all the qualities, but you find the one that suits you most and then you use or leverage that to be able to lead efficiently and effectively. And I've seen that time and time again. So I approach work relationships with curiosity to explore or examine what people are doing and how it's working for them from a leadership perspective.

The thing I wish I learned to do sooner is network. And I don't mean just like, meet more people. I mean, learn how to meet people and polish my message about what I'm saying to others while also learning to understand what others have to offer and to, to build that relationship. Right. And so I'm a hardcore introvert and networking does not come easily to me.

It's a little bit easier to do behind a screen. Like when LinkedIn came out, I think that, That served me very well. So that's the one thing, hindsight. I wish that I had learned how to do that earlier. I'm glad I learned when I did but if I had one piece of advice it would be figure out how to do that well.

Richard Haliburton: Congratulations on 200 episodes. My name is Richard Halliburton. I am a Director of Accounting on Southern Vancouver Island. When I think back on what mentors I've had that have had the most impact on me, I think about when I was starting as an articling student and having that direct one on one access with some of the partners during that time.

In particular one partner, Fred Milton took me under his wing and spent the time to show me how to improve my skills. Also pointing out where I was doing things correctly. Looking back over my career, things that I've learned with other leaders on working on relationships is probably not what to do.

I've spent a lot of time in small business and so owners were mostly focused on bottom line and not looking at employees as an asset rather than an expense. So I took a lot of what they did and made sure that I did the opposite, reflecting on my time, what I could have done better, maybe perhaps working with those owners, showing them that, employees, positive employees, can have a greater impact on the bottom line than say, employees who are just there for the paycheck and really aren't there to improve the company.

I think that has a bigger cost, to companies than people realize.

Meredith Bell: I'm Meredith Bell, president and co founder of Grow Strong Leaders. We publish online tools and books that help leaders become stronger in the areas of character and communication skills. The business relationship that actually has meant the most to me revolves around two people, my two business partners.

I've worked with them for 33 years now. And you can imagine over that time we have weathered a lot of different challenges in our business. And one of the things that has meant the most to me is to know that they have my back. They have always been there to support me, to encourage me, and to hold me accountable.

And one of the other things I appreciate so much about each of them is we have all evolved into our unique superpowers and strengths. And we have the ability to use those as much as we can in the course of the workday. And I really value that. They're also really good at affirming me and what I do and who I am. And that means so much in the workplace.

In terms of what relationships at work have taught me one of the biggest things is learning to apologize when I'm wrong instead of trying to save face or, or cover up or minimize what I've done. It works so much better if I'm willing to say I was wrong or I made a mistake and apologize quickly.

We're able to get past that, and it strengthens the trust and the bond that I have with that other person. And then the area that I wish I had learned about or had done sooner revolves around interacting with another person. I would have liked to be a better listener, a better noticer and observer of people.

I've acquired that over the years, but if I had been more curious and had been willing to ask more questions instead of trying to make my point or convince someone of my idea, I would have learned more and I would have learned it more quickly. And so I think that's the key takeaway that I, use now much more often is being curious, asking questions, and listening deeply for what is said and what is not said.

That has strengthened my relationships in remarkable ways.

Rob Volpe: Hey Russel, it's Rob Volpe, your Empathy Activist. Congratulations, 200 episodes of Relationships at Work. That's incredible. What an achievement. Really proud of you and congratulations and thank you for having me on the show. Okay. Most impactful work relationship. What was the most impactful work relationship that I ever had? And why was it impactful? There's so many, what comes to mind are some relationships with early bosses when I was younger and earlier in my career, where they really... I was fortunate in that they were highly empathetic themselves and it showed me that there was a way to be empathetic and still be successful, still get business results accomplished.

I think those are the ones that have stuck with me the most. And then there's individual relationships and opportunities where we collaborated together really well, or we had a really good time. And we really understood where the other person was coming from and we were able to get a lot done.

So yeah, what have those people taught me about being a better leader? It, it, it showed me that you can be empathetic, that you can listen and understand where other people are coming from. It doesn't mean that I'm going to be a pushover or that I'm not going to be able to make good decisions.

It just means that I can actually, reflect that, Hey, I get where somebody else is coming from. And that's so critical, especially in today's workplace. That's what people are looking for. They want to be seen and heard. Doesn't mean that you have to give up your own decision making power or become a pushover.

It just means you need to make room in your head that there are other ways of looking at the world and understand where other people are coming from. And it will actually make you stronger as a leader when you do that. And so what would I have done? So this is an interesting question. What would I have done differently, to have built stronger relationships sooner?

I think, I'm a, I'm a good networker. I've got good relationships with people, but I think when I was younger, I questioned, I had insecurity and questioned my own value and whether people would want to stay in touch when I left from one job to another. And, and I had some pretty senior leaders in the entertainment industry say to me, Hey, keep in touch.

And I kind of failed on that part. And I wish I hadn't. So I think figuring out how to build those relationships, but then maintain relationships after you've. Left a particular job because you never know when those relationships are going to come in handy, whether it's for moral support, whether it's for mentoring or networking, because I think I read once 80 percent of all jobs are, achieved or gotten one due to like relationships and people that we know.

So that's probably what I would have done differently. Anyhow, congratulations, 200 episodes, so honored to be part of this community and help build better relationships at work. Bye!

Stacy Sherman: Hi, I'm Stacy Sherman, an award winning professional speaker, author, and podcaster known for helping companies create real brand differentiation by doing customer experience right. And that's fueled through an empowered workforce. I'm part of Russel's 200th show, the celebration of something huge. And there's a couple of questions that Russel has asked me, and I'm going to share some further thoughts.

One is. What's the most impactful work relationship I've had and why? I can't pick one. There's a series of experiences across different companies I've worked at. And those relationships have continued today, even though we're no longer at those companies. And that is so valuable. That is the gift of being part of a team working on a common project and those roles are gone, yet the friendship sustained.

And that's what stays in my memory. It's taught me that even being a great leader, I would say that it comes from the memories with people, the togetherness, the common bonds, and I've learned a lot from my worst managers, sometimes even more than the best ones. There's one individual, when I came to him for help, I brought all different solutions.

I tried A, B, C, D, and I needed help. His clout, his title, his support, and instead of getting the support, he said to me, go figure it out. I'm not helping you. Now, I was so angry at that time because His help would move mountains, would actually help the entire team achieve goals faster. There was resistance.

And so the good news is I figure everything out today now based on the go figure it out answer. And now as a leader, I believe in helping people and supporting them and encouraging them and coaching them to figure it out with a helping hand makes the difference. And with all the hindsight and experiences I've had, that is what resonates.

And the final question, what do I wish I had done sooner to build better relationships at work? I think it's within me. I have more confidence now. With age comes wisdom and I'm taking more chances. So the changes are me. It's not really about others and how I approach problems and opportunities. It's never too late.

That's the great news. We keep growing and learning, and I'm so glad to be on the journey together. Thank you.

Russel Lolacher: Hello, that, that was amazing. That was just amazing. And I got to answer these questions myself, don't I? I'm on this journey too. So for the first question, what is the most impactful work relationship that I've ever had. And why was it meaningful? I think the most impactful one I've had is not that long ago.

I had a former team who I led for approximately 12 years, the same team, the entire time for 12 years. Now I'd been a leader in many different industries before then, but they illustrated what it's like to be a leader in the long game to have long relationships over time and how they morph and change.

And as a leader, how I need to morph and change as they go through their journey. This wasn't just a moment in time. Again, it was about a relationship with ups and downs that would only benefit from more investments in trust and consideration, respect and humanity. And I got to learn how to be a better leader through all of that.

It certainly had different strengths and weaknesses too, because when you have the same team, I'm not dealing with different disruptions of new staff and new challenges. But I had done that in previous roles. So this one was just, it's fresher, I guess would be the nicest way of putting it. And it, it meant the world to me.

And I think it made me a much better leader by going through that with them. I learned a lot. I became a much better leader. I learned so much and I, and I hope that they, they did as well. Number two, what have your work relationships taught you about being a better leader? Oh man they've taught me how small gestures are actually huge investments.

While big grand gestures are actually meaningless and useless without the small stuff. Without the day to day investment in those relationships. Those work relationships have all taught me how to reflect on every interaction and what I could do better next time. I certainly am much more self aware, much more situationally aware than I ever was before those work relationships really grew and prospered.

So that I benefited from that from a self reflection, because again, the most important relationships at work you can have is with yourself. They also taught me just to try. To listen, to be patient, to be curious, to not take it personally, to just try because everything can be better and I have a part to play in everything, good or bad.

So what can I do? How can I be intentional in my effort and just try every day to be a better leader for those I'm responsible for? And the last question with all the hindsight and experience you have now, what do you wish you would have done sooner to build better relationships at work faster. To the surprise of nobody.

Shut up, just shut up and listen, learn and shut up. For a long while too. Because when we first start having a team or we first start having somebody in our charge, we're so busy to try to show our value as leaders that we're here to help. We want to help. What can we do? What can we fix? To contribute to make sure that we're providing value.

And truthfully, I've that's one of my biggest weaknesses that I've felt undervalued in a lot of roles I've had throughout my career. And that is something I'm have had to deal with regardless of the quality of leader I've had through any one of my jobs. So, I immediately want to make sure people feel valued.

Like I just want to jump in immediately. And I think the best thing I can do in hindsight to build those relationships faster is just be quiet, shut up, let them have the space to feel out their new relationship with me or the team. And just to give them that space to do that and not be so intrusive, I guess could be perceived as. Anyway, it's, it's still a learning journey. I'm still learning. All the time. As you are.

So thank you so much for being here for this big episode, the 200th for the mini episode this week, I'm going to share some of the takeaways I've learned from doing this show over the last two years and two and a half, almost three years. I hope you'll join me for that.

It'll be a quick, quick one under, under, under 10 minutes. So yeah, that'll wrap it up for another episode of Relationships at Work, your guide to building workplace connections and avoiding leadership blind spots. As ever, I'm Russel Lolacher thrilled to be here learning with you and I look forward to the next 200.

I know that's such a cliche to say, but you know what the momentum is there and I'm excited to share more with you and to learn more from you. Take care.

 

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