Welcome back to Relationships At Work – the leadership mindset guide for creating a workplace we love. I’m your host Russel Lolacher
I’m a communications and leadership nerd with a couple of decades of experience and a heap of curiosity on how we can make the workplace better. If you’re a leader trying to understand and improve your impact on work culture and the employee experience, you’re in the right place.
This mini-episode is a quick and valuable bit of information on top of our regular show.
So for our R@W Note I’m passing on to you…
Leadership Litmus Test: Reaction to Tragedy
Life happens when we are least prepared.
And when it's bad... loss, death, injury, it can greatly impact us on a level that transcends any focus on the workplace.
And when those horrible life events happen, it's the reaction of our leaders, of the workplace to those events that can really tell you where you work. Whether it's a boss, leader, colleague, team member, associate, whomever… it is how they show up and how they react in those moments that tell you a lot about the quality of where you work and who you work for and with.
I’ve had such a moment. Tragedy (both expected… my Grandmother passed away after deteriorating for a while. And Unexpected… my uncle upon the news of his mother, my grandmother, passing, noticed he wasn’t feeling well. Went to the hospital to find out he only had a few weeks left). It hit me in a way I hadn't prepared for. Couldn’t prepare for. And when I mentioned this to those above me and around me in the org chart, I was surrounded in concern, compassion and a clear sense that I had whatever I needed to recover.
When we are going through moments like these, the last thing we need is feeling like our tragedy is just an impact on productivity.
Bad Stories
My second year at a new school, I’m a teacher, my father-in-law died, & my father died. The previous year my mother had had a stroke, & my best friend’s spouse had died. School gave me time off, but within a month of returning from my father‘s hospice, I was called into the principal’s office for not responding to parent emails fast enough. & only one parent acknowledged my loss. I lasted 1 more year & left.
My mom went into a diabetic coma and instead of calling the ambulance, my dad got out a stopwatch to pronounce her time of death. I had to take compassionate care leave with less than 24 hours notice. My manager told me I couldn’t do it. I told her to Ivwas and she could figure it out.
When my military veteran dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I informed my work of 4 years that it would mean I’d miss some days and would likely need help completing some projects. They said of course and offered understanding … at first. A month later I received a letter from them citing my increased absence and decreased performance as a grounds for firing. I ended up getting new job and 2 months later my dad died.
We need humans to be good humans.
Good Stories
Fast onset of dementia, bedbound journey with long term hospice care at home during COVID times, I was fortunate to be my mom’s side in another state and work remote. Had tremendous amount of support from my direct manager and compassionate people at a large bank I worked for. I will never forget the support. Life changed for me tremendously after the loss. Almost 3 years later, I am learning to transform grief to purpose.
one week into my new role, my dad passed away unexpectedly. My new boss and the leadership was incredible! Even though I was starting on a priority project my executive director gave me such a good response it was incredible. They said “take care of yourself and don’t worry about anything here” ”Let us know if you need anything else, extra time” They fully supported me in working remote on 3 different occasions to support my family. I never had anything close to that support in my old job. Because of that I am willing to do anything to support the organization. I also have zero interest in going anywhere else. I have been approached by a couple different organizations and I don’t want to go anywhere.
My boss, team and execs were absolutely, unequivocally amazing last year in the wake of losing both my parents.Supportive, immediately stepped in to cover my work on short notice, reached out to check on me, helped me ease back in afterward with empathy and patience.
This is an opportunity for us and our organizations and leaders to provide:
· Empathy and Compassion: condolences and care.
· Presence: being in the moment with those affected.
· Listening Actively: nothing is more important in that moment then that moment.
· Respect for Privacy: understand their wishes and their needs, don't pry. This is not the time for curiosity.
· Flexibility and Accommodation on Workload and Deliverables: work is not the most important thing right now. Understand and respect that and work to see what will work best. Time off, working from home, shifting deadlines.
· Support If and As Needed (check-ins, employee assistance programs): understanding this is not the end of the conversation and that we all process differently. It’s a journey, a relationship, not a checked box exercise.
Tragedy is a huge test of how strong relationships are, including the quality of the leadership and culture of and organization. It showcases how leaders show up and organizations demonstrate they genuinely care in these moments. This will go a long way into determining if this is a place teams want to stay with or not.
FYI – It’s not about just between the leaders and the team members. Other team members are seeing this. Colleagues who have a better relationship with those going through tragedy will get the full story of how leadership reacted.
As the pandemic was a huge litmus test to leadership, so are these personal moments.
It’s a test we just have to pass if we truly care about our people, and not just say we do.
